Friday, February 15, 2008

Just friends


So I watching a movie the other day with my parents, it was an Egyptian movie to be exact. After watching a few series with them I've been able to finally understand that dialect better! alhamdulilah.

Just a quick run through about this specific movie. It was about this married man who is suffering from an illness so leaves his family for further treatment. At the hospital he stays at, he meets another female sufferer and they become very close friends. She being single, incidently falls in love with this married man. Anyway his wife finds out where he is and there is a huge fight etc. But he returns to his wife and dies not long after. The girl who he fell in love with was very mature about the situation and although she was hurt, preferred he return to his wife and son.

It was a good movie but whilst watching it, my mother made a comment in Arabic which I will translate.

"It's impossible for a man and a woman to be close friends, without atleast one of them slipping"

Slipping meaning, falling in love with the other friend. It happens with both falling in love as well. I didn't really disagree with my mum. I felt she was actually right.

I don't have male friends who I share a very close relationship with, but I do think the more time you spend with someone of the opposite gender, the more likely you will have strong feelings that will form between you. Remember the hadith, that whenever a male and a female are alone, the shaytaan is there as the third. How scary is that?

I know we're only human, but we should also be able to have self control over who we befriend, right? The are times where a certain situation brings you to work quite closely with someone of the opposite gender, but don't let the shaytan get the better of us I guess. It's almost impossible today, especially in the west, to be in contact with only the same gender. As muslims, it needs to be done with self respect and NO flirting.

It's very easy to slip.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Akh.. Hello my blog...

I really don't know how I'm going to start this post today and I'm telling you all now I have no clue how it will end.

Just came back from a small 3 day holiday with my siblings and nephews. It's funny how they're meant to be so relaxing, yet you spend so much time sight seeing and visiting various places that you don't even get time to do that at all. I needed a few days to actually recover! But it was great overall and will probably be my last outing before Uni starts in a few weeks inshaAllah.

Other than that, just been bumming around the house not really doing anything exciting. I've had plenty of time to reflect upon myself and hopefully start working on making some changes. Such as talk less and listen more, be more selfless, be more considerate and become a better Muslim role model. I really want to work on these few things and probably a few more, I really hope they're not put off because they're very important factors that are vital for a good character and that's what I want.

Sometimes I think about how one day I will become a wife, then a mother and what I tend to is look at others who are living those very roles right now. I wonder if I will ever be able to become like my own mother, the way she takes care of us all is truly amazing and deep down it's scary to think about. What if I cannot meet up to these standards, will it make me a failure? What can I do now to help me later on? Just a few thoughts that have been coming to mind..

Then my mind also goes off to wonder about the husband/father role and how not all woman understand what they are going through and the pressure and stress they worry about. Working tirelessly to provide for their wife and kids and help secure a future for them. Seeing my own father worry really saddens me, as his situation is sometimes easily looked over. Even though my parents worked most of their life securing some kind of future for us, I want them to make the most of what they have instead of always worrying about us, the "future".

We shouldn't have the mentality that we are going to live forever, so live in the moments we have now and enjoy them in a way that is pleasing to Rab al 3alameen.

I hope to start a family one day, with the will of Allah swt. But I can't help but wonder when.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Giving Naseeha (Advice)

Being apart of and living in a Western Muslim community has many temptations that come with it. We face them everyday and it's always good to be reminded when you might be going off-track but may not have noticed it. That's what our communities are there for after all. Why we have so many organisations working hard all year round to provide us with as much guidance as they can offer.

It's hard to take advice sometimes, as you may not always feel as though you are doing something that is so wrong. Also, what may seem extremely haram in one muslims eyes, may not be as bad in anothers. That's not to justify any evil act, but something which is quite common amongst many of us today I'm sure.

So sometimes some muslims may see a brother and a sister discussing something, which may be somethign general about a topic, not crossing any lines. Nothing major, right? Now to some it's ok. I mean at my University, you often need to interact with males for whatever reason. It's not always a life and death situation, but as long as you keep modest and don't flirt I don't think it's a big deal.

Now that's just me, to some it's extremely haram and you should never ever interact with the opposite gender. Living under a rock is usually the way to go since everything leads to haram, so the smallest of things should be avoided, try to close your eyes too.

I'm not condoning interaction between brothers and sisters, but I think too many people these days are going overboard and forget where they are living. Which leads me to my main point. What are some ways people "advise" their fellow Muslims of their behaivour? Publicly perhaps? In front of others? Why do people feel they need to do this to humiliate the people involved. Their answer is, oh we're only telling you in front of the other 100 people so they don't do it either! Are you serious?

What ever happened to the etiquettes of giving naseeha, where they thrown out the door ever since you thought you became religious? If you don't know the manners of giving advice, you're only going to scare people away from our beautiful religion.

If you see something which you believe is inappropriate, what ever it may be let them know as this is one of our duty's but please be careful about how you do it. This is something for myself also, I'd hate to embarrass someone in front others to get my point accross. There's nothing wrong with showing some compassion and being understanding.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Divorced V's Single Forever

Two of my worst fears.

My parents are addicted to the Arab satellite channels, which I've gotten around to watching after months of refusing to since I missed watching normal Tv shows. After a certain Musalsal (arab series) my mother and an Aunt of mine spoke of this very topic, getting divorced or remaining single.

What's better according to them? Being divorced.

That freaked the hell out of me, though I'd prefer to go through neither, (inshaAllah!) they were so normal about it. Both noticed the look on my face as I must have turned yellow or something.

Apparently being divorced is better, since you atleast get to experience going through a relationship (perhaps having children?) despite it coming to an end.

I think it's the idea some Arabs have in their head. Single is bad. So as long as you've been married before no-one can talk about you. Like that's possible!

Maybe it is better, I just wasn't expecting it.

And no, I'm not paranoid about divorce. It simply scares me! But then so does staying single forever. 8)

Ok I'm over it now.. It did have me thinking though. If you don't find anyone who seems suitable and meets all or most of your criteria, marry anyone? Better than remaing single forever eh? Hmm I guess you never know.

Monday, November 12, 2007

A few months ago

Not long ago, a prospect came to ask for my hand. I had known him previously through the IS at my old University. He was a well respected member, and probably one of the most active as well in his final year. The sisters last year were quite inactive at the time, and I was fairly new helping where I felt I could. I only contacted him when it was about the society but later things began to change and we sort of grew interest in each other. Last year, I think I was quite different, maybe because I was younger and never had actually interacted much with the opposite gender.

Eventually we stopped talking, and any feelings I had for him slowly vanished, till a few months ago. He was back in my life, and probably more serious about marriage than ever. I had told myself several times over that I wouldn't consider him anymore, I was pretty much over him. Little did I know how weak I was. A meeting was arranged just a few weeks before my exams with his family. It being a hectic time, and with my emotions taking quite a turn, I accepted that he come. What would I be losing? I told myself. Maybe he was "the one". I was determined to find out. I didn't want to regret anything.

A part of me wanted to continue, and I wanted to give him a chance. We had never really spoken properly in person, besides a few salams and maybe a few words here and there. From what I saw he was a good guy. Maybe a bit more religious than I, but sometimes I had doubts about that. Who was I to judge, I thought. We weren't exactly on the same track and I could tell our expectations for marriage were rather different. He wanted kids straight away. I wouldn't be able to cater to that. I want to finish my degree before I have kids. He also didn't think working was a good idea, and that getting an education wasn't going to get me anywhere.

He seemed persistent about me, and although that can be flattering it made me a bit, how do I say, uneasy. You can sometimes tell something about a person, and how determined they are to get what they want. Sometimes they forget what they were originally after, maybe. It's a bit hard for me to explain.

After the first visit, I spoke to my parents about him several times. I didn't want to make it sound like I knew too much about this guy. My parents are picky considering I'm still young and they don't want me to rush into marriage. They'd actually prefer I'd finish my study first. Quite different to the rest of the people I know from my country, but true. I don't mind waiting, but I'm also not going to insist on it.

Apart from all the good qualities he held, which were ALOT there was something holding the whole situation back. Partly my parents, and perhaps a huge part at that. One of the most important things I want when I get married is our parents blessings. I've seen too many marriages go through years of heartache without it, usually ending in a separation.

His views differed to mine, yet I don't know why I was willing to continue. It makes me wonder, what was I thinking? Did that experience prove that I was willing to just get engaged to anyone who had the qualities I wanted, despite the hiccups involved along the way? Maybe I was tired of being lonely.. only a person going through it would understand. Whether a person is young or old, they're going to experience it if they don't have some1 special in their life. It's not about being desperate but about wanting that.. feeling of companionship and love. The one Allah swt instilled in each and every one of us.

My parents had their reason as to not accepting him, which at the time I didn't understand either. He was almost perfect, but also far from it at the same time. Even though a part of me wanted to continue with him, not to marriage but maybe just to get to know him better. There was so much about him I wanted to understand. Till now, I don't know why. Perhaps through him I would understand being in a relationship better.

I agree with my parents decision to end things between us. I did my part, I even argued with them on a few occasions about their opinion of him. There really wasn't anything more I could do. Even if I did, I truly believe things would not have worked out.

Nobody really understands Arab parents, maybe any for that matter, but sometimes Allah may not want something for us which we may desire, so through our parents things don't work out as we may have wanted them to. It's better that it's done earlier rather than later, when not too many feelings have been formed.

Their influence plays one of the biggest roles in my marriage. If it wasn't for them, sometimes I wonder where I would be right now.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Just looking

Assalamu 3alaykum,

I'm trying to live up to my promise to continuously keep on blogging, the positive feedback is definitely encouraging! Thank u :)

A certain topic I raised earlier in the year was guys and how I thought some think they are ready for marriage, but they're definitely not because they get "bored" or something along those lines. I never expect to meet the perfect guy, I've accepted that he doesn't exist. :p jk. I know we all make mistakes but from what I had seen at the particular time of my post, it did make me question some guys intention when a girl thought they were interested in marriage.

I'm a strong believer in "it takes two to tango". Meaning most situations I've seen, both parties could have played their cards a little better acknowledging at the same time, that no-one is perfect and you can't put the full blame on just the guy or the girl. So, yes guys can be stupid, but so can girls (believe it or not :P) So while I may feel like venting out some anger towards males in general, I want to make it clear that females would probably be guilty of doing stupid things a lot of the time too.

I just felt like writing that.. I think it's obvious why.. lol

So anyway, less talking, more blogging!

I went to an ALL sisters charity dinner tonight, I must say it was quite enjoyable. I can't remember with the previous ones I've been to very well, but this one was great alhamdulilah. If you're single and a sister, be prepared to meet some potential in-laws!! I've heard many brothers who are interested in marriage like sending their mothers, sisters and family friends alike to these kind of events to "hook them up". Is this true?! I wouldn't be surprised.. hehe.

I actually got two "omg! I can't believe your single?" comments from some sisters. I was a bit confused as I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or what? I know I'm not old but it's weird how everyone just expects you to be married all of a sudden.. Yeh I wouldn't mind getting married if the right person came along but I wouldn't just settle for anyone who comes a knockin. It was a bit weird I must say and I kind of don't know what comes out of saying that to someone. I'm reading too much into it I know..

I was thinking that when I made this blog, I thought of it was more as a diary to express myself. As a teenager, one of the main hot-topics that would always get us going was marriage so I thought I'd let out those thoughts, it really clears up my mind. It's good writing at night, which is what I think I've always done. I go to sleep with a lot taken off my chest. Good feeling it is.

Hope I made sense today.. Take care - wassalam.

Monday, October 15, 2007

7 months later..

Assalamu 3alaykum

So yes, it's been a while! The year is almost over, the year that feels like one of the fastest in my life. I have a feeling this trend will only increase though. Ramadan has come and gone, I know I could have made so much more use of the blessed month. I guess it's not as easy as everyone makes it out to be, you really need to put in the effort. Best part is, you do feel the blessing in it mashaAllah. The third day of Eid has passed as well, Eid Mubarak to all the Muslimeen out there. May Allah accept our deeds, ameen.

Not much has been happening on my end, and my life hasn't really changed that drastically. Reading through my old posts I do have a *few* updates. Such as going into my teaching degree, alhamdulilah it was a good decision and I'm really glad I'm enjoying it. Only 3 more years to go inshaAllah. As for me going to the gym, I admit that I have slacked off and wasted a good amount of money by not going. It's unbelievable how easy it is to stop going, I feel really guilty. I need more motivation, big time. Hopefully I'll be going again soon! Or else my parents are going to kill me. :P

So yeh what else, I've thought about this blog a bit recently. I needed that avenue to let out my lovely thoughts. Eventually, no matter what you friends say, it does get boring hearing someone constantly whinge about their boring life. Ok, so I admit I'm not that bad and I don't complain that much but still, I hate being the friend who just talks about herself all the time. So this way, I'm only expressing my thoughts to those who are in the mood to know. Make sense? I hope so! lol

I got really annoyed today, maybe it's because I have so many high expectations of those around me. Especcially those whom I look at and think are so "wise" and "religious". Possibly another reason backbiting is haram, when you find out certain things about people even though they are true it really changes your whole perception about them and people who seem like them too. It's really sad, and although I try not to care about how others handle their life, I can't help it. I just think, what if that were me? Why did they do that? It even gets to the point that my friends point out I shouldn't be concerned, yet for some reason I feel I am. These are my brothers and sisters in Islam, despite how well I might or might not know them. Maybe it's here that I can learn from their mistakes even though one learns best from their own.

It's been a huge year though, so many people have gotten married, divorce, had children and died.. You look back and think, wow! In one way or another it does affect who we are and does play *some* influence in our lives. Like when your friends get married or engaged and even divorced. I hate divorce, and I make du`a that I am never put in such a trial in my life. Not because of anything in particular, but I've seen what it has done to so many people around me. Be it one of the spouses or most importantly the children of the couple. Marriage is so serious, but today I see it as a process which isn't given as much thought as it should be and people are just doing it for the sake of it.

Then again, maybe that's just one's naseeb. Does anyone really get into a marriage knowing they will get divorced. You sign that paper knowing you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person, the last thing you want is to have to leave each other, right? Or am I wrong. Are they the intentions of our fellow brothers and sisters seeking marriage? I'd like to hope so..

Is it bad wanting to find the partner right for you, or as a female letting that partner find you? Ofcourse not, then why does it seem so. I wouldn't have a clue. Maybe it's not the case, and maybe it is. Depends on the culture you're from I guess. It can be like that in mine though.

I know I haven't made up for 7 months of posting, but inshaAllah I'll keep this lovely blog in mind more often. It's been good speaking to myself, or anyone out there reading. If you are reading, don't hesitate to comment or keep on reading. InshaAllah I won't take too long posting again.

Till next time, take care.